It is hard to believe I started this blog as a weeeeee little freshman and now I’m a big bad senior. Sad to say, this is the last year I will be frolicking in the 805… which is both weird and scary. Weird for obvious reasons. I’ve been in the same place for the last three years and have come to call SLO home. Scary because I am going to have to leave some of the relationships I have made here behind and I might not be ready and willing to do that. I have been trying to tell myself that I don’t have to worry about all that stuff yet but it doesn’t stop me from obsessing about it… Sadly.
A year or so ago I wrote a blog entry on my bizzare fascination with shaving peoples heads. Here is the link: http://frolickinginthe805.tumblr.com/post/42112226770/shaving-heads
I would like to let everybody know, I have now officially actually shaved a head. For what ever reason my boyfriend decided to trust me with that.. I have no idea why. Anyway, I just want to report that, though it was pretty exciting and cool, it wasn’t anywhere as cool as I thought it was going to be. The end.
I know… disappointing.
Vernal Falls in Yosemite National Park
"People aren’t against you; they’re for themselves."
It’s such a basic concept that people in this egocentric society, myself included, that think they are “special” fail to grasp. Perhaps the worst part of this is that the very thing that we, as westerners, have trouble grasping because of our egocentricity is caused by the fact that we are egocentric.
Im trying to adapt my way of thinking to this realized truth but it’s proving harder than originally anticipated. Sadly.
Video by Brett Dennen: “Wilderness Tips with Brett Dennen - Campfires”
I always used to think that the reason I never do as well as I should in my classes is because I am a spazz and I can’t figure out how to remember assignments or how to turn them in. Growing up and even in college I have notoriously been an amazing test taker but when it comes to papers, assignments, and projects I always fall short. When I have to regurgitate knowlege that my teachers give me I get amazing grades but when I have to think for myself I find that I simply don’t think. And it’s definitely not because I’m stupid because I KNOW that I am smart. I’ve inherited both my fathers creativity and my mothers straight intelegence. And I KNOW I am a good problem solver because I work with kids. And KNOW I have a scientific mind because I can formulate and make eductated hypotheses and ask countless scientific questions since my notebooks are full of them.
So taking all that into account I am going to formulate my own theory: I’m uncomfortable with being the innovater in a situation. I’ve been taught to be the one learning things from other people. I was not supposed to question my teachers. I was supposed to get the answer right and not to try things that deviated from the path. I was never taught how in an academic setting knowlege can be best attained from trial and error. I would have gotten points taken off of assignments for being the kid that asked another question instead of answering the one that the teacher gave to me. I would have gotten points taken off for being a scientist in science class. THERE IS SOMETHING WRONG WITH THAT! Because now, in college, I have to do years of backtracking in order to write papers where I take a chance an formulate a hypothesis based on prior knowlege and evidence AND I may be totally and completely off. In college, I have to go through the trials and the errors. But Im afraid to. Because I was always taught that it was the wrong answer. And I’ve always hated to be wrong.
I have always been a spontaneous person and have always had an undeniable thirst for adventure. But recently, this habit has become an obsession and this want has become a need. I can barely go a week without being pulled out the door and up a mountain or to the ocean or through a forest by some unseeable force. It all comes without warning too. I’ll be focusing on a completely normal activity and then all of a sudden an image of a place I’d rather be or just the desire to be somewhere else pops into my head. If I try to push it away, it pushes back harder. Until I’m lacing my hiking boots and grabbing my car keys. I realize that the longer I stay SLO the stronger my desire will be to leave it. Because my natural state is wandering and I’ve got a gypsy soul to blame.
I just want to pose the question: Have you ever danced and sang around your kitchen?
Not in your bedroom. That doesn’t count. Its something about the kitchen thats special especially when your with someone else and baking something. I don’t know what it is but its super liberating and elating. And let me tell you, I have probably danced around my kitchen HUNDREDS of times. Its more of an every day thing for me. Usually after dinner with my dad and sister to country music. But anyway, the best part about it is that it never loses its power. No matter how many times you do it!
I tend to stop when I go to school when I am a little bit more embarassed but this year I am determined to keep dancing in the kitchen. I don’t care anymore. I’ll just have to convert all of my friends and roommates into kitchen dancers too. So that there are no awkward dancing by myself with everybody watching moments. It’s a flawless plan really.
I think there are two kinds of people in this world. People that you have strong emotion toward or people that you are indifferent about. Thats why i think a lot of people tend to hate someone when they break up whatever the circumstances of the breakup are. They cant go back to indifference and the alternative is to remain in love and long for the person that you inevitably have to leave. Its a lot easier to associate that person with a negative emotion and move on than to still love them and move on.
Two weekends ago, I made my return to the grandiose land of debauchery that the students who attend Cal Poly refer fondly to as SLO. This stint of return was brief, alas, because 1) I was staying with a friend and have nowhere to live there and 2) I had jury duty on Monday. However, though the days I spent in SLO were brief, I acquired something of great importance there… a new friendship. This friendship was born upon me saving my new companions body and soul from the clutches of sure demise, for the people that had once owned him had thrown him out on the cold streets to most likely been thrown away in the next collection of trash and put into a landfill. How he would have suffered in a landfill with nothing to protect him from the rank advances of other lost souls that had been discarded like trash by their owners as well. What a desolate place to be. But we need not worry about that now because I saved him.
His name is Darth Vader and he is a piggy bank with no money. Filled to the brim with nothing but empty space. He hasn’t anything, not even a light saber, though it is evident that the one he once had was torn away sometime ago in his past life in a struggle with his previous benefactor. He has a voice though. He sings out the merry tunes of the Death Star remembering a past life. A good life where he ruled a great expanse of the known universe.
So what I set out to do with this new friendship is simply to fill the empty spaces within Darth’s soul and set him back on his path to pure evil. Mending a heart that has been broken by neglect and malignancy. Because isn’t the impact we have on others our only legacy that matters in the end?